New Tech: Personal Performance Coach

                      Crutch or Real Improvement Tool

               My Thoughts on Improving Consulting Sales

Check this one out: http://money.cnn.com/magazines/business2/business2_archive/2007/07/01/100117049/index.htm

Accenture has developed a technology that provides real-time feedback to persons via a Bluetooth headset and a Windows-based smart phone. The software can do things like tell a salesperson that he or she is talking too much and not listening to the client. As discussed in this Business 2.0 article, the 'coach' will bug you if you're not getting enough exercise, hitting too many fast food joints, etc.

Let me opine on this for a moment:

• Using this tool for training purposes may have some merit. Whether a sales person should use this in front of real client prospects though could be really off-putting to those prospects though. If some sales person is yakking away at me, then stops abruptly to receive a coaching message from his/her phone earpiece, I'd toss them out.
• Using this tool to nag people to live better seems intrusive and counter-productive. This is what we all have family members and doctors for, isn't it?

Someday we'll have a special channel on cable television just for consultants to shop at. Maybe, when that day comes, consultants could buy devices that do the following:

• Bullshit detectors - When a consultant or IT salesperson exceeds a pre-determined quota of three-letter acronyms, buzzwords or 2-by-2 matrices, then prospects get a huge text message on their cell phones demanding they leave the meeting for some important consultation with a colleague. Now, consultants will never ever hear their prospects shout "Oooow my aching paradigm!"
• Muting technology - When salespeople want to show you another 500 exciting functions and features in their product, no one can hear the salesperson; however, to the salesperson, everyone seems to look like they're engaged.
• Powerpoint blanketing technology - This tool does not permit the use of any sort of Powerpoint viewer or software in specific areas of a building. Can't you just imagine how quickly a sales call would conclude if they couldn't get to use their Powerpoint apps?
• Instantaneous electro-shock therapy for sales people who ask those stupid strategic selling questions - Wouldn't it be great that every time a salesperson asks you "So, what are the top 3 things keeping you awake at night?" that they get a good 120 volts fired right into their lazy body? I'd even make an advanced version that ups the amperage every time an additional dumb, time-wasting question (e.g., So, tell me again, what exactly is it you do???") is asked.
• The Consultant in a Mirror - This is billion dollar software program that's integrated with a consultant's home mirror and may soon find its way into hotels worldwide. This product would provide instant feedback to consultants advising them on what not to wear to a client site. One version of this tool would automatically remind Harvard B-School grads to leave their school tie and rings at home. We'll hear you graduated from there at least 6 times this week.
• The Disconnector - This tool painlessly removes a consultant from his firm's voice mail, email and instant messaging systems for up to 3 hours at a time so that they can concentrate on just your needs during a sales call. A more robust product version will allow consultants to check out entire days at a time so that they can focus 100% of their energies on your firm (or let the consultant enjoy their honeymoon).
• Chart De-Complexinator - Did you ever see a chart your consultant prepared that no one, save for the genius who prepared it, can make sense of it? This is where the chart de-complexinator comes in. It slices, dices, streamlines and distills the very essence out of any obfuscated, overdone masterpiece. Get one now as no consultant should be without one.
• Automatic Overcommitment/Promise Counter - Don't you wish your conference room had a counter to add up all of the things your prospective consultant says they can do? It's amazing that there's nothing you can throw at these super-beings and they still claim they can do it. They've got people with 20 years of experience in a brand-new Web 2.0 technology! They can repair jet aircraft engines! They can run your data center while polishing your shoes!
• Bid Change Analyzer - This tool examines proposals from consultants and monitors each subsequent revision to see how the consultant will both lower cost and apparently reduce scope. Because your firm will still pay the full amount for the work eventually, it's fun to see how the consultant hides these future scope bombs in latter proposal documents.
• The Box of Whys - Every time a consultant doesn't understand something you tell him/her, the consultant can open up a fresh box of "Whys". See how many "Whys" you can collect as you try to explain your processes, requirements and more to clueless consultant sales people.
• Staff Multiplexor - This tool lets consulting sales people promise the only real value adding member of their firm to every client proposal the firm will craft for the next five years
• Work-life imbalance beam - This tool automatically cancels every training course, holiday and vacation scheduled for a staff person if there's even a hint of them being staffed on a new project.

I hope you VCs out there are reading this and will get some funding moving right away on these guaranteed winners. If Silicon Valley can knock out the above, then the next technologies I'd like to see for consultants would include:

• The really clean rental car!
• The out of town virtual spouse/family